call-1-800-hot-sleuth:

innovativescoundrel:

call-1-800-hot-sleuth:

innovativescoundrel:

call-1-800-hot-sleuth:

You’ll be happy to know I bought ice cream :)

Im too busy being melted on the couch. 
And apparently being a melty bed to a baby. 

That’s what I’m here for. I’ll bring you a nice cup of gelato and play with our little angel for a while.

You’re too good to me. 

I know. /smooches

You’re such a dear. 

call-1-800-hot-sleuth:

innovativescoundrel:

call-1-800-hot-sleuth:

You’ll be happy to know I bought ice cream :)

Im too busy being melted on the couch. 
And apparently being a melty bed to a baby. 

That’s what I’m here for. I’ll bring you a nice cup of gelato and play with our little angel for a while.

You’re too good to me. 

call-1-800-hot-sleuth:

You’ll be happy to know I bought ice cream :)

Im too busy being melted on the couch. 
And apparently being a melty bed to a baby. 

(Source: innovativescoundrel)

call-1-800-hot-sleuth:

innovativescoundrel:

Whines. 

What’s wrong, love?

Its. Hot. 
It’s almost 85 degrees outside. 

Whines. 

I’m not ready for this heat.
Kill me.

Anonymous sent: I love you, son.

You stare at this message for a long while, unsure how to respond. To be honest, you really can’t. Whoever this is, whoever is attempting to yank at your heartstrings has failed because clearly your mother didnt ever say this.
Down to her very last breath she resented you and every atom of you. So while you give this person credit, all you really do is tap your cigarette against the astray and type out a lazy
“Thanks.”

Yes hello Goodwill 

Can I turn in a slightly used  boyfriend I have no need for him anymore

call-1-800-hot-sleuth:

innovativescoundrel:

call-1-800-hot-sleuth:

No.

…What?

You’re not watching it, Sleuth. 

Um, yes I am. I am right now in fact. It’s kind of silly so far, and those miniskirts are improbably short.

I’m done with you. 

call-1-800-hot-sleuth:

No.

…What?

You’re not watching it, Sleuth.